Did ya miss me?

So, first it was the stupid tendonitis again, leaving me with a right arm about as useful as a piece of well-boiled spaghetti ... and painful spaghetti at that. Then, when that was almost healed I was Felled by the Flu. Not even anything as glamourous as Swine Flu, just regular old stupid "feel like crap for two weeks" flu.

However that wasn't the worst thing that happened. Oh no. That wasn't bad enough. The Boys (two of whom are notorious barfers) got the flu.

I don't want to talk about it, except to say this: If I never see another bottle of Lysol again, I will die a happy woman.

So here I sit, with my painful ear and sore throat and various other woes, trying desperately to think of something witty and entertaining to write. But:

I'll try to write something with a little more substance later on, if "the dumb" goes away.

Well, that's a tough one. There are several ages that I have been that have had particularly good times associated with them. (mmmmmmm ... Tequila .... )

(Drifts off into daydream of glories past ... )

Oops, sorry. Gettin' senile these days.

If I had to stay one age forever ...

I think I would choose to be 21 forever and ever. 

I would be "legal" everywhere, yet still young enough to get away with all the stupid things I'd still like to do, but am way too old to get away with now.

Besides, this is what I looked like when I was 21:

Really. Honest. This is what I really looked like at 21. Truly.

Heh.

I just sort of answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Which is never a good thing, really. It's much better for all concerned for me to just wander around in my usual confused haze. Honest. Thinking is best left to those better equipped for it. When I think, I never seem to end up with the profound insights that others arrive at. I usually end up with the conclusion "Idiots! All of them!". And this, while true, is not particularly helpful.

But!

I was thinking.

And this is where it took me:

If CanadianBroad Were Dictator of the World

1. (a)  Religion. This would become a purely personal matter. You can be any religion you want, or no religion at all, as long as you just keep quiet about it. No discussing religion anywhere but your home, the homes of others who share your beliefs, or your place of worship. If someone asks you about your beliefs, invite them over for coffee to discuss them. Okay, okay, you can also put up a web-page extolling the virtues of your religion. That's a passive act, and people have a choice whether they view it or not.

     (b) Scientology would no longer be considered a "religion". It is run like a quasi-military business, and that's what it would be treated like. No tax breaks, disclosure requirements to meet (fees, practises, etc.), and scrutiny by the authorities as to the manner in which they treat their customers. Also - The next time someone dies while in their "care"; people are going to prison.

2.  When you turn 30, all spandex clothing will be confiscated. By force, if necessary. Bikinis will considered on an individual basis.

3. Since I would be in charge of the whole world, the system of criminal laws governing each region would become the same. If it's illegal here, it's illegal there. If it's legal there, it's legal here. No more rape victims going to prison for adultery, thankyouverymuch.

And here's how it would work:

Stage 1 would be the "fact-finding" procedure. Did Mr. or Ms. X do the thing they are being accused of? This is where your evidence would be presented, such as finger prints, hair samples, shoe prints, surveillance videos, witnesses and the ever-popular DNA. Thus, the simple question is: Did they, in fact, do this thing they are accused of? Once that was decided, the trial would move on (if necessary) to ...

Stage 2: Are there any mitigating factors involved? For example, is Mr. X psychotic and he only tried to kill those circus clowns because The Voices told him to? Did Ms. X act in self-defense when she tasered that guy 32 times in the neck? And so on and so forth.

Then Stage 3 - Sentencing. The sentence would be up to the judge's discretion, tailoring the sentence for each case before them. Psych treatment, confinement to the most suitable "correctional facility" (jail, that would be), house arrest, having earphones taped to their head and being forced to listen to Miley Cyrus or Yanni all day ... whatever works. The only exception would be this: An automatic 25 years (no parole) in the worst possible prison we can find (and I've heard there are some doozies in Africa, the Middle East, and Asia) for any crime of aggression committed using a gun. Period.

4. There would be accessible, quality medical care available to everyone, all the time. My government would foot the bill.

5. Paris Hilton would be either: (a) Publicly hanged or (b) Sent to work in a salt mine without any protective gear. Decision by popular vote.

6. Terrorism. This one is a toughie. Not that I ever agree with acts of terror, but how to prevent them is a puzzlement. Of course, there would be thorough hunts (from house to house, if necessary) to confiscate guns, explosives, and other nasty things from anyone that Intelligence Services identified as a probable terrorist, but finding all of them would be pretty hard. So somehow, we would have to come up with some kind of effective deterrent factor. Hmmmm .... Gotta think about this one a bit more ... Suggestions?

7. All PETA members are off to the salt mines. Two thirds of their "salaries" would go to their regional SPCA. On the opposite end of the spectrum, "canned hunts" and leg-hold traps would be totally illegal as well.

8. No clothing in colours visible to the naked eye from Neptune.

9. Any further oil exploration would be suspended. Development of hydrogen fueled cars would become a priority. Pollution controls would be installed on any and all manufacturing and transportation industries. We've only got one planet, we should be taking better care of it. Oh, similarly any and all ocean dumping of anything is suspended. Violators will be sent to the salt mines.

10. Misbehaving children will be sent to "Kiddie Court". Bratty little ones would have to go to obedience school, pre-teens and teens will have all their "toys" taken away (including, but not limited to: Hair care products, cosmetics, cell phones, MP3 players, computers and cars) and forced to wear hideous double-knit polyester clothing for the duration of their sentence.

Well, that's all I've got rattling around in my poor befuddled brain at the moment. Feel free to add any suggestions about actions or laws you would like to see implemented by my One World Government.